Look For Me In the Lilies
by bendecida82
Summary: Karen dies, and Lucas is left to raise Lily. But is he up to the challenge? Friendships all around, Leyton, Naley, Brase.
1. Chapter 1

So this one is being posted courtesy of those who asked about my other stories and wanted to read this one! This one was very carthartic, at least until I got to the more happy part of it and stalled. I was really feeling Lucas in this one. Tried something new here too. Have the Lucas overvoice like in the show. Let me know if you like it, if it works. Anywho. Hope you enjoy. Let me know if its too many stories at once. I figured this gives u more updates, even though they arent the same story, but if its too much, I can stop at this one.

Set after 4.22 Everything up to the hospital scene happens, except Dan does not turn himself in. Karen goes into cardiac arrest, but after seeing Keith and hearing Lily call for her, she waits too long and doesn't make it back.

Dedicated to everyone who has lost someone special- How sad that there are so many of us out there. But you are not alone.

Disclaimer: Dont own anything. I just play with Schwanns toys and then put them back.

---LP---

Chapter 1

_Lucas: Did you ever wonder what the formula was for the amount of pain and suffering one had to go through in life? Who decides that one person can handle the death of two mothers and an absentee father, and another a suicidal mother and a sociopathic father capable of murdering his own brother? And does the knowledge that another's suffering is greater mean that you cannot feel the pain of your own? _

_My biological father abandoned me. But so did Peyton's, if you think about it. But she has Larry, and I have Keith. At least, I had Keith. _

_My uncle Keith was murdered when I was 17. But for 17 years, I had two 'parents' who loved me. Brooke has had no parental figure in her life since any of us can remember. _

_It doesn't matter that my heartache was less than theirs, right? Because my heart still hurts. _

_Everyday I lived with the pain of having lost the only father I had ever known. Recently I've had to suffer through the knowledge that the person who took him away from me was the person whose shoes he so willingly filled. _

_Wasn't that enough? Hadn't I reached my quota?_

_Good question. I'm sure Peyton asked the same question when she lost her mother at 8 years old. And again when her father left her for weeks at a time. And again when Jake left her. And again when she lost Ellie, making her motherless twice over. God, what a world._

_So apparently I hadn't reached my quota either, because today, the formula of my life now included the burial of my mother._

_Tortured artist and tortured athlete. Everyone always said we were like twins. I wonder if our nicknames would now change to Motherless artist and athlete. _

_No, they had it right the first time. If only they knew. _

"Blessed Assur-ance. Jesus is mine. Oh was a savior, of glory di-vine."

I stood there motionless as the choir sang for my mother as they lay her in the ground. Or maybe they sang for the crowd of people that came to mourn the death of a vital figure in the town. Teenage mother, almost mayor. Ostracized by scandal, owner of the two hottest locations in town. A cornerstone, both of the good and the bad of Tree Hill, North Carolina.

I felt like my world had ended, but I didn't feel the right to feel that way. I looked over at Peyton and realized why.

I wasn't the first to lose a mother. My girlfriend had lost two. And at the sight of her standing next to me, my rock- my strength, I felt guilty for feeling numb. She lost a mother at 8, with only her father and Brooke for consolation. I was a man, 18 years old, months away from living on my own, with a brother and sister-in-law, who also happened to be my best friend, right by my side, and a girlfriend who had been through it, _twice_, ready to help me through it. I also had a beautiful baby sister to remember her by.

So all in all, I had not right to the feeling that life was unfair, when it had treated me more kindly than most. But it hurt all the same, and I couldn't fight the feeling.

So I didn't.

----LP----

"Luke!" Peyton called out after his retreating figure. She watched helplessly as he made it to his car and jumped in the drivers seat, peeling out of the cemetery as if the hounds of hell were chasing him.

Having lost a parent before, she imagined that to him, it felt that way.

She was so proud of him- she believed he had made it through what was the most difficult part of losing a family member. He stood stoically beside her throughout the program, not shedding a tear as the minister presided over the funeral.

At the wake the night before he accepted solemnly the condolences of the people who had shunned his mother in life, but had nothing but great things to say about her in death. The only difficult moment came when Dan had arrived in his capacity as the mayor of Tree Hill. The unchecked violence in Lucas' gaze had him making his way quickly through the receiving line, pitifully short with only Lucas and the baby as her remaining family. Peyton didn't count herself, though she felt the loss of Karen as keenly as she had the loss of Ellie not even a year ago. She had stood in the line as the caretaker of the baby, Lucas unable to manage the role on his own. Peyton herself was barely holding it together with the loss of the woman who had been a mother to all of them at one time or another, but this wasn't her time to grieve. Lucas had been strong for her when Ellie died- It was her turn to be there for him.

And so, with Peyton believing the worst was behind them, she looked on sympathetically as Lucas walked up to the grave, the last to throw a handful of dirt. He stood there, holding the dirt while Peyton held her breath- she saw the struggle in his gaze as he stared at the open hole. She released her breath as he released the dirt, both floating through the air with a note of finality. She turned to walk back to the car, only to halt when Lucas didn't move, but continued to stare after the dirt that made its way onto the casket, now indistinguishable from what others had contributed.

Peyton stood quietly, juggling the sleeping baby, wanting to be there for him but understanding he needed a moment. Understanding, until his mad dash across the cemetery and away from her. She shouldn't have been surprised, but she was. Lucas Scott was not known for facing his problems head on, but there was more than himself that would be affected by his actions. She wondered if he would remember that.

With one last glance at the empty space where his car used to be, Peyton gathered the baby tighter to her chest, and picked her way over to where Nathan and Haley waited patiently.

Lucas had lost a mother, but they had all lost something vital, and it was unclear how they would ever pick up the pieces.

"What are you gonna do?" Haley whispered standing by worriedly as Peyton laid the sleeping baby into the crib. Lucas' old crib, set up in the corner of Karen's room.

"Get some sleep while she's sleeping, I hope." Peyton said sighing, leaning heavily on the edge of the crib.

"I meant about Lucas." Haley said, placing an arm on Peyton's shoulders.

Peyton raised her eyes to Haley's. "I know you did."

Turning, she made her way out of the room and into the kitchen, Haley following.

"So?" Haley probed impatiently as Peyton continued her silence, sinking into a kitchen chair and laying her head onto her arms.

"Nothing, Haley." Peyton snapped, then softened her voice at the look on Haley's face. "I'm not going to do anything. Lucas will come home when he's ready."

"But it's been hours!" Haley protested. "He's missed the lunch reception, and dinner. He's not at the Rivercourt, or the café…"

"And what exactly do you think I can do about that, that Skills and Junk and Fergie haven't already thought of, Haley?" Peyton threw up her hands in frustration. "This is Lucas we're talking about here! He just lost his _mom, _Haley, and he's hurting, and he's trying to deal with it the best way he knows how." She picked up a dishrag and toyed with it in agitation. "And since he is a grown man, and not a child, I am going to let him be."

Peyton sighed at the tears in Haley's eyes, and calmed, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I know you're worried." And hormonal, Peyton thought to herself. "But right now, The baby is my first priority, since Luke isn't in any position to make her his."

"I know. You're right. And I'm sorry." Haley sniffed, accepting the comfort from Peyton's embrace. "I just thought maybe you would know of places we don't, since you guys are like twins." They were both able to manage a laugh at that one.

"And now, we get to be alike in even more ways." Peyton murmured, tears welling up in her own eyes.

Haley looked up at the tone in Peyton's voice, and it was her turn to offer comfort. "Sometimes I forget she was like a mother to you too."

"Yeah. I'm getting to be a pro at losing mothers. It's a good thing I don't have any more to lose." Peyton sniffed, a watery laugh escaping from her mouth.

"Well, since I cant tell Lucas, I'm telling you. We're here for you when you need us." Haley said, squeezing Peyton tightly.

"Thanks Haley," Peyton said gratefully. "Just remember that the same goes for you too."

"A lot of us lost our 'mother' today."

----LP-----

Peyton stirred in her sleep, a frown etching lines into her face. Something was wrong- it had been too long. The baby should have been awake by now. She moved to get up out of bed, and...

"Whoa! Careful. Baby on board." Brooke warned, and Peyton checked herself as she rolled over, realizing that the weight behind her back was not Brooke or Haley, as she assumed, but the baby, who was lying on the bed in between the two women.

"You know she has a crib." Peyton said, belying her words as she adjusted onto her side to face Brooke and pulled the baby into the crook of her body.

"I know, but she was wiggling and she looked like she was about to cry, and I didn't want her to wake you, so I brought her into bed with us." Brooke whispered.

"Okayyy, but why are you whispering?" Peyton asked, yawning.

"Because the baby might hear and catch on to the plot." Brooke whispered back.

"You know babies don't understand what you are saying right?" Peyton chuckled. "Brookie cookie is a little nuts, but we love her anyway." Peyton whispered to the baby.

"Whatever." Brooke sniffed. "Says the woman who just had a conversation with a baby herself."

"You got me there," Peyton admitted, before looking at Brooke in puzzlement. "What are you doing here, by the way? I thought everybody went home?"

"They did." Brooke said simply. "But I've been friends with you for too long not to know how to do this 'just lost a mom thing.' So, I'm here, there's ice cream and pizzas in the fridge, movies in the living room, tissues by the bed, and _me_, right beside you until you kick me out." Brooke frowned. "Though being in Karen's room is a little like being in your parents room when they're not home. But, whatever you need, wherever you need, for as long as you need it. Well, as long as you need it or the day we fly to California, whichever comes first."

"Have I told you how awesome you are at being my best friend?" Peyton said, pursing her lips in an effort to stop the tears.

"You can always tell me again, right after you explain why exactly we are in Karen's bed instead of Lucas'." Brooke said, recognizing Peyton's attempt to stop crying.

Peyton laughed. "Simple really. The baby's crib is in here, and the monitors need batteries. So I've been sleeping in here with her so I can hear her if she cries."

Brooke looked at the crib, then back at the bed. "Good point." She glanced down at the baby, and noticing that she had fallen back asleep, picked her up and placed her back into the crib.

She made her way back to the bed and pulled Peyton into her arms. "Now, since Lucas is gone, the baby is asleep, and I have on machine washable clothes, you have no excuse not to let out all you've been bottling up inside, Peyton Sawyer."

Peyton wrapped her arms tightly around Brooke, tucked her face into a spot that both of them felt was known too well, and did just as she was told.

----LP-----

Everyone needs a friend like B Davis and I love this version of her. I was lucky enough to have more than one.


	2. Chapter 2

I should have tried this a long time ago! Muse is starting to flow, though not on the right story. But hey, some is better than none, right? I absolutely love and adore each and every review I get, and I appreciate the thought and care you guys put into them. They inspire me to write, and to give you more, so keep up the good work!

Everyone should check out A-Non-Lurker's stories, cause they are awesome, and not easily found, like treasure! Let's boost her reviews and show her some love people. If you like family love, check out Sunshine, on a Cloudy day first. If not, check out anything else, cause its all good! Yay! She's one of my faithful reviewers, so if you check out my reviews, you should find her name there somewhere in case I got it wrong.

Just to let you know, first person is Luke only. So when you see it, its him speaking.

Disclaimer. I do not own any of the characters from One Tree Hill.

Chapter 2

_Lucas: Kevin Arnold once said, "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." I say memory is a cheap consolation prize. Like, "Sorry you cant have the real thing, so here's a memory!" I'd rather have the things than the memories. I'd rather have my Mom and Keith, because memories aren't doing a thing for me but twisting the knife that much deeper._

I had been driving since I left the cemetery, unaware of time passing, of dusk falling, until I realized I couldn't see because it was dark out and I hadn't turned on my headlights, not because I was numb to the world around me. I turned them on and kept driving. Winding through the back roads of Tree Hill, over and over roads I had driven before many times before. But not like this.

Never like this.

These roads used to hold such pleasant memories. Me, my mom, and Keith, taking the long road trips to nowhere. I remembered being so content in the backseat, watching my mother and Keith laugh and joke in the front, wishing Keith was my real dad, pretending for those moments he was. I remembered the frisson of excitement that ran up my spine when Keith would glance at my mother, smile, and slow the car down, pulling to the side of the road. I had been on enough road trips to know what that meant.

It was my turn to drive.

I remembered the feel of Keith's arms around me, teaching me, guiding me, then letting me do it alone. I remembered my mom's soft laughter at the look of concentration on my face, and I would turn to her and scold her,

"_Momma, shhh! I gotta concentrate!"_

And Keith would always stick up for me, taking my side.

"_Yeah, 'mom!' You don't want the boy to get in an accident, do you?"_

I remembered, and I cried. I cried because I was never going to get moments like those again. I cried because my little sister would never have moments like those.

I cried because it was my fault.

Because those weren't the only memories that were vivid in my head.

I remembered pointing the gun at Dan, and my mother pleading with me to put the gun down.

""_Lucas, please, just put the gun down. Alright? I can't… I can't…""_

Some days I feel confident laying the blame on Dan. I really want to believe that in her final moments, my mom knew that what I was saying about Dan was true. But once again, my memories wouldn't provide me with that relief for long. Instead they reminded me that she believed Dan over me.

The man who had betrayed her multiple times, was more trustworthy than her own son.

""_I think that you have a problem. We both think so.""_

We. Always before 'we' had meant her and I; at one time it was her and Keith and I, and now it was her and Dan. The man paints a cradle and takes her out to eat, and all of a sudden _they_ were a 'we' and _I_ had a 'problem.'

My emotions overwhelmed me, and the road blurred before my eyes. Unable to contain it any longer, I pulled over to the side of the road, put my head in my hands on top of the steering wheel, and wept.

It took death for me to understand my mother was right. I did have a problem. I was no longer part of a 'we'. And there was no one who could help me fix that.

At that moment my pants vibrated. Wiping my eyes, I pulled my phone from my pocket and went to turn it off, but not before I saw the message, sent to me by Peyton.

_I love you. Come home and let me heal you. I'll be here when you need me._

So maybe I was not alone. But maybe I deserved to be.

-----LP-----

She wasn't alone. Peyton lay still, waking up fully to get her bearings before moving around, in case the baby was 'on board' again. Brooke had been a rock for the night before, holding her as she cried, keeping her company while she took care of the baby.

The baby. Peyton lifted herself off the bed to turn, only to sigh in relief at the sight that it was Brooke slumbering peacefully beside her. No baby in bed. Peyton flopped down and closed her eyes, intending to go back to sleep, until a snuffle caught her attention.

Quickly she made her way over to the crib, to see the baby scrunching up her face in preparation to cry.

"Oh noo, nooo, its okay, Sweet Pea! Don't cry. Peyton's got you!" she whispered as she scooped up the baby and began to jiggle her slightly, making her way out of the room.

She didn't want her to wake up Brooke, who deserved every bit of sleep she could get. Peyton sighed. Sleep. After a week of looking after the baby, it was a word she was no longer familiar with. But that was her burden to bear, not Brooke's.

Well, technically it was Luke's, but he was still gone.

It had been nine days since Karen passed away, seven since the baby was released from the hospital, and today marked the third day since the funeral.

The third day Lucas was missing.

Haley was hormonal and frantic with worry, Nathan was worried for Haley, and Peyton was starting to get a little worried herself, for all of them. She had no idea what she was doing, besides struggling to hold it together until Luke returned. Dan had been by twice to see the baby, and both times Peyton said she was asleep and not to be disturbed. Even she knew that babies didn't sleep all the time, and there was only so much time that excuse would work.

She had no idea who had custody of her- she didn't even have a name yet, leaving the hospital in Lucas' care as baby girl Scott.

She was a little worried that Dan may have guardianship of the little girl, or maybe Deb, so she didn't complain about being the sole caretaker of her for the time being. The less she reminded people that she existed, the better. At least until Lucas could clear his head enough to deal with the situation.

Peyton quickly made a bottle for the baby and sat on the couch in the living room, her new favorite place to feed her. She snuggled into the couch, Sweet Pea snuggled into her, and for 20 minutes, everyone was peaceful and happy.

She wished Lucas could get that feeling, even if only for a moment. Life went on, as hard as it was, and Peyton was learning how to be happy in the moments that were given to her, instead of worrying about the moments that had been taken away. It was ironic that Luke had taught her that. Now she wanted him to come home so she could remind him of his own life lesson.

Karen was gone, but Sweet Pea was here, and she could still take joy in the moments with her, even as she felt the absence of Karen keenly. In a way, loving Sweet Pea was her way of giving back to Karen everything she had given her, paying it forward so to speak. Karen was her mother when she needed one, so Peyton would be Sweet Pea's mother when she needed one. She only hoped Lucas would feel the same when he came home.

_If_ he came home.

"No word yet?" Haley asked, accepting the root beer float Peyton had just finished making.

"Not a one." Peyton said, turning back to the counter to make hers. Nathan was watching Jamie and the basketball game, teaching his week old son the finer points of the draft picks and spreads. Sweet Pea was in the crib asleep.

Brooke was out shopping; Karen hadn't even had a baby shower before she passed, her pre-eclampisa causing the need to deliver the baby early. The little girl had been wearing all the neutral colors of Jamie's wardrobe, and Brooke couldn't stand it one more day.

Peyton didn't mind her complaints about the babies. Some people cried, some people railed in anger at the world. When Brooke was upset, she shopped. It was either that or bitch-slap someone, and in this situation, there was no one to bitchslap. Plus, Brooke was doing her a huge favor. She was wary of leaving the house with the baby until everything was straightened out, so it was good that Brooke was okay with buying what the Sweet Pea needed. No sense throwing fat into the fire.

"I know he likes to crawl into his shell, but I'm worried about him. Its been three days, Peyt." Haley said, slurping on her float. It had become their drink of choice, their daily 'therapy' and a cure for the heartache, not to mention a great source of calcium for momma Haley. It also seemed to calm Peyton, who for all her assurance that everything was fine, was beginning to crack around the edges.

"I know, and this is too long, even for him. He turned off his phone." Peyton said, grabbing her float and sitting down at the table.

"I know. I've been calling and leaving messages, but now the mailbox is full as well. I don't want to call the police, but if he's not back by tomorrow, I'm putting out an APB on him." Haley said firmly.

"Im with you." Peyton agreed.

"You should be!" Haley said. "You are supposed to leave for L.A. in two weeks. He needs to come home in enough time to read the baby books I made _you_ read."

Peyton laughed. "I never thanked you for that by the way. Man, I was cussing you out when you made me sit down like we were still in school. But then when Sweet Pea started to break out all over her face and I knew what it was, I was like 'Thank you Haley!"

"Right? I'm glad somebody listened to me about the books." Haley said, raising her voice so that Nathan can hear them.

"Hey I read them!" Nathan retorted from the living room.

"Oh really?" Haley scoffed. "So why does our son only calm to rap music instead of the classical music the books says increases brain development?"

"Maybe because the book also said that _music_ increases brain development, _and_ I quote, 'ultimately you will decide what is best for your baby, and what makes them happy and healthy.' Rap music makes him happy, and it makes him healthy."

"How does it make him healthy Nathan?" Haley argued.

"Cause when I play it, he calms down, and since he's calm, that means I don't have to kill him. So there you go." Nathan said, as if it made all the sense in the world.

Peyton laughed. "He does have a point."

"Whatever. Says the girl who plays her baby the Cure when she cries." Haley scoffed.

"Whatever back. Sweet Pea likes the Cure." Peyton shot back.

"The baby cant tell you she cant stand the Cure because she cant talk. And stop calling the baby Sweet Pea! She's not a vegetable!" Haley retorted.

"Why? First of all, Ive got to call her something besides 'the baby' all the time. Besides, she is 'sweet,' so unless you have a better idea…" Peyton raised her eyebrow at Haley and wiggled it.

"Fine! The baby is called Sweet Pea, until we can come up with a name." Haley said, giving in and rising to put her glass in the sink.

"Thank you so much for you permission!" Peyton laughed. "And I'm not going to L.A." Peyton rushed out quietly, hoping Haley wouldn't hear.

"Your welcome. Wait, what?" Haley turned around. "You're not going to L.A.? Why?"

"Lucas needs me here." Peyton said simply. At Haley's look, Peyton shrugged sheepishly.

"To tell the truth, I was torn about it anyway." She confessed. "I applied when Lucas was still with Brooke, so there was nothing keeping me here. But when we got together, I didn't want to leave him. And now that his mom's gone and he's got the baby, he's going to need me more than ever."

"But Peyton, this is your dream!" Haley said, sliding into the chair and gripping her hands.

"No, Lucas was my dream. And maybe a family of my own. Sire records was just a consolation prize."

"Are you sure?" Haley said concerned. "You might not get another chance like this."

"With everything that happened in my life, shoot, in the past _year_ alone, I've realized that chances don't just come with opportunities, they come with people too. Life changes in the blink of an eye, and I don't want to look back years later and regret the memories that were never made because I left the people that I love to serve coffee and mail to the assistant to the assistant."

"So what are you gonna do?" Haley said, accepting her reasoning.

"I don't know yet. But when Lucas comes back, we will figure it out together. Its not just us anymore. We've got to think about Sweet Pea."

---LP----

Hey guys, question. Do you guys want drama in this fic, beyond Lucas learning to live without his mom? You have 3 choices. I can:

A- put some drama between Leyton

B- have Leyton happy and have the drama be external (the two of them against the world)

C- no new drama, the story remains the 4 parter it is with an epilogue

Vote, comment, and see how it goes!


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the long wait guys! I am in the process of moving, and my internet at both my house and my mom's house is not working, so I cant update like I want. Looks like B wins, which is a good thing, because trying to write A is what made this stop at 4 parts. So now that I dont have to think of realistic Leyton drama, outside forces will intervene, making this an undertermined (but more than 4 part) chapter fic!

JJ, its like you read my mind! Any guesses as to who though?

Disclaimer. I dont own anything. Everything is One Tree Hills creators.

-LP-

Chapter 3

_Lucas:_ _Some say dreams are a window into the future. Others believe they tell a story about the past. I dream to escape from my present reality. What other choice do you have when real life becomes a nightmare?_

"Lucas…"

He tossed and turned, ignoring the call. He had fallen asleep where he had collapsed, curled up in a ball in an empty field in the middle of nowhere after screaming himself hoarse at the heavens above. At God. At fate. At whoever deemed it necessary to take both his parents away from him and leave him at the mercies of Dan Scott, his only remaining parental figure. Anger had left no room for tears.

"_How could you leave us like this? You never told me what to do!"_

"_And what about 'baby girl' Scott? She doesn't even have a name!"_

"_Momma, I need you…"_

"Lucas, honey," He frowned at the sound of her voice. Terms of endearment would not work on him. She didn't listen to him when he called for her, so he wouldn't listen to her now that she was calling for him.

"Open your eyes."

His eyes shot open of their own accord. And he sat up, blinking in wonderment. The sunlight illuminated the flowers and trees that surrounded him, which was peculiar, because he had fallen asleep to a gathering dusk. Birds chirped gaily in trees that weren't there when he had fallen asleep, and he resented them for their happiness. Rain would be more appropriate for his mood. This had to be a dream, because he definitely didn't fall asleep in a field of lilies.

"Lucas." He turned toward the sound, and scrambled to his feet.

"Mom?" He said in amazement, staring at the woman dressed in white before him.

"Mom!" He shouted, running towards her and gathering her up in his arms. "Oh I missed you."

"I missed you too, baby boy!" Karen said, hugging him fiercely. She pulled back, and put her hands on the side of his face. "And how's my baby girl doing?"

"She's…" Lucas blanked. He honestly couldn't answer the question! He had been in such a daze, dealing with his own pain, he had allowed Peyton's all too willing shoulders to carry that burden.

Feeling guilty, he became defensive. "How do you _think_ she's doing, Mom, without a father and now motherless?" He shook off her hands and stepped out her embrace. "She doesn't even have a name!"

"Her name is Lily." A male voice said, stepping over to Karen and pulling him into his arms.

"Lily Roe Scott," Karen added, gazing lovingly at the man in her arms.

"Keith?" Lucas whispered. He went to run to the man who was his father in every way that mattered, but he checked himself.

He turned and glared accusingly at his mother. "So that's it?" he sneered. "You left me and Lily _alone_ to be with _him?_ When Lily still needs you? When _I_ still need you?"

He broke down, sobbing in dreams as he had refused to do awake. He crumbled to his knees, and Karen broke from Keith's embrace to console her son.

"I know you do, baby." Karen soothed, wrapping her arms around him.

"I tried to come back to you, I did." Karen said, raising his head to look at his face. She wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his forehead. "I didn't choose for it to be this way for you. Of course I don't want this for my babies." She hugged him tightly, rocking slightly as she felt his arms come around her and grip her fiercely.

"I did die on that table, and I did have a choice to stay with Keith. But I chose you." Lucas looked up to her face, and she nodded, smiling sadly. "I saw your little sister, and she was so beautiful, the best of Keith and I. I knew that you two needed me, and that I could see him in her everyday, so there was no reason to stay."

It was Karen's turn to cry as she continued her story. "She was calling 'Come with me, Mommy!', and I went to go to her, but not before I said goodbye to Keith one last time. But when I let him go, she had disappeared, and though I tried, I couldn't find my way back. I couldn't hear her voice anymore."

They both sobbed openly in each other's arms. "I was calling too, Mom. Couldn't you hear me?"

"I'm so sorry, baby boy. I wanted so much to be with you, to watch you continue to grow into the man I am proud to call my son. But I have to watch over you from here- that's the way it has to be now." She gently kissed his forehead. "Don't ever doubt that I'm there with you, up here, and in here." She pressed a hand to his heart.

"We both are." Keith said, having come over to embrace the two of them.

"So what am I supposed to do now?" Lucas said brokenly.

"Be there for Lily." Karen said.

"Let the ones who love you be there for you." Keith added, knowing his 'son' all too well.

"But I'm not ready to let you go." Lucas admitted.

"And you won't have to." Karen promised.

"Just look for us in the lilies."

_In the lilies. In the lilies. In the lilies. In the…_

"Lily!"

-LP-

"Lily" Lucas breathed, gazing down at the slumbering face before him. He reached into the sparkling white bassinet he didn't remember being there, careful not to hit the fuzzy mobile that swung above the little girl's head. He lifted the baby from her bed and cradled her gently to his chest, absentmindedly noticing the pink onesie the little one had on. He made his way over to the rocking chair he hadn't known was there, and sat down carefully, not wanting to wake the sleeping beauty that lay in his bed. _That_ he remembered being the same.

"Hi Lily, its Lucas, your brother. I know you're like, 'Lucas who?,' 'cause I haven't been around like I should have been. But you were in good hands. Your Aunt Peyton took good care of you." He glanced around the room. "It looks like Aunt Brooke has been doin' a little something something too."

Lily's mouth twitched in the resemblance of a smile. "Oh I take it you like the gifts Aunt Brooke got you. Tired of wearing boy clothes, huh?" Lucas paused as he realized the magnitude of the ball he had dropped. He left for others what should have been his responsibility. But never again.

"Momma and Daddy say hi, and they love you. And I wanted to tell you before I did anything else that I love you, and I will never leave you again. That's a promise." Lily cracked an eye open and then closed it, as if to say, "You better not buster."

Lucas laughed softly as he rose. "It seems I left you with Peyton just a little too long. You've developed an attitude."

"I heard that," A voice said sleepily from the bed.

Kissing Lily's forehead, Lucas placed her gently back in the bassinet before standing by the edge of the bed, where a sleep tousled Peyton sat up smack dab in the middle.

She opened one eye and glared it at him. "You okay?"

"I will be." He answered honestly.

"You done running?" She questioned, pointing a finger at him and shaking it slightly.

"Yes, I won't leave again." Lucas promised.

"Good." Peyton sat for a moment, staring at him, before turning and plumping up her pillow.

"Call Haley and let her know you're okay, and then come to bed. Ive only got about 15 minutes before Sweet Pea wakes me up for real." She said as she went to lay back down.

"Sweet Pea?" Lucas thought to himself. "Call Haley?" He said out loud. "Peyt, it's the middle of the night!"

"And you're her best friend and you've been gone for almost 4 days and she is gonna put out an APB and you don't want the police involved and I said so and its 3 in the morning so you _really _don't want to argue with me right now." She grumbled, curling into a ball and pulling the covers up to her chin.

"Plus she has a week old baby that thinks day is night and night is day so she's probably up anyway." Peyton gave away, mumbling under the covers.

"Oh, and you better be here in the morning, or Haley will be the least of your problems. I love you." She added as she drifted off to sleep.

"I will, and I love you too." Lucas chuckled at the way Peyton had managed a reprimand and term of endearment in the same sentence, then, remembering that his phone wasn't currently usable, rummaged around until he found Peytons phone, then dialed.

"Peyton? What's up? Need some company while Sweet Pea gets her midnight snack?" Haley said clearly on the phone.

"Why is everyone calling her Sweet Pea? Her name is Lily!" Lucas teased.

Silence reined on the line.

"Luke?" A voice said tentatively.

"Luke, you're home!" Haley shouted gleefully, before following it up with a "Lucas Eugene Scott, if you ever pull a stunt like that again… ohhh Im so glad you're home."

"Me too." Lucas said, relieved that once again Haley was immune to staying mad at him. "Im sorry to call you so late, but Peyton said something about an APB?"

"You bet your ass I was going right down to the police station and filling out a report as soon as I woke up…well, got up for the first time after dawn. You know with a newborn you kind of sleep all day in 2 hour increments like they do, but then you'd know that if you were here."

"I know, and I'm sorry I wasn't, but that's all going to change now." Lucas said, chastised.

"Good." Haley affirmed, before catching him up. "So do you see the craziness that is Brooke Davis with a credit card?"

"I know!" Lucas looked around the room. "It's amazing all the things Lily has! When I left she was wearing green dinosaurs, and now she's wearing pink flowers!"

"Tell Haley goodnight and you'll see her in the morning," Peyton interrupted, her mouth muffled by the cover.

"Haley, Ill see you tomorrow. Peyton wants to spoon." Lucas joked.

"Whatever. You are getting no loving tonight, my friend. She's probably trying to sleep and we're keeping her up. Her phone is crap anyway. Watch this. Goodnight Peyton!" Haley said in the same tone she had been using the entire time.

"Goodnight Haley!" Peyton called out. "And my phone is not crap!"

"Uh, babe, if you can hear Haley from all the way over here, it kinda is." Lucas said, hanging up the phone.

"I'll have you know…" Peyton was interrupted by the wail of the little girl coming from the crib.

"Hold that thought." Peyton sighed. "Looks like I'm not gonna get that 15 minutes after all. Coming, Sweet pea." She said, pulling the covers back to get out of bed.

"No, stay." Luke said, stopping her. He looked Peyton in the eye. "I've got her."

Peyton stared at him for a moment, before nodding once and settling back in the bed. "Bottles in the fridge. Diapers and stuff underneath the bassinet. Heat up water and put the bottle in the water until its room temperature. If you wet it on your wrist and it feels warm, its too hot for her. Burp her at the end. Goodnight- wake me if you need anything."

And if Lucas hadn't loved her before, he would have fallen in love with her all over again. She had been shouldering the burden of caring for Lily, for everything by herself the past couple of weeks, and yet, there was no censure, no accusation in her tone, just love and understanding. She knew what he needed and gave it to him, even at her own sacrifice, out of her love for him. He only hoped she knew he'd do the same and more for her.

Lucas picked Lily up and carried her into the kitchen, following Peyton's instructions to the letter. He had never done this before. His sister was almost two weeks old, and this was the first time he had fed her. He carried her and the bottle back into the room and sat in the rocker to feed, taking in everything about her as she drank her formula. In only a week and a half, she had already changed. Brown hair grew in tufts on her scalp, and her tiny hands waved in the air. Lucas laughed softly- her eyes refused to open, as if she, like Peyton, would much rather be sleeping.

When she finished the bottle, Lucas went to change her, laying her in the bassinet while he rummaged around underneath for the diapers. He had just finished doing back up the onesie when a rumble sounded in the little girl's chest, and she spit up, all over her outfit and face, the vomit dribbling down to mess up the sheets of the bassinet.

Startled by her own bodily functions, Lily scrunched up her face and let out a wail. "Oh nooooo, don't cry Lily. Don't cry" Lucas said, picking her up and cuddling her to his chest, before remembering about the reason for the tears in the first place.

Lily just sobbed harder as he unintentionally moved her away from his chest in reflex at the feel of the wet seepage through his shirt.

At the sound of Peyton stirring, Lucas looked helplessly at her. "I've got it, Peyt. Go back to sleep."

"I'm sure you do." Peyton said warmly, not hiding her mirth very well. "But the crash course stuff doesn't seem to be Sweet Pea's thing, so you watch, Ill do, and maybe we can all get some sleep."

Cooing, Peyton draped a towel she had grabbed from nearby and lifted the baby from Lucas' arms, protecting herself, and later the bed from the baby's spit up. Moving swiftly about the room, she rummaged through a couple of drawers, coming back to where Lucas had sat on the bed in a bit of a despair. One task, and he had already screwed up.

Peyton kept a running commentary with Sweet Pea as she gathered up her tools, trying to calm the baby, who was still sobbing in distress, scrunching up her legs and clenching her fists.

"Its okay Sweet Pea, don't cry. You're making your brother nervous. Don't be upset with him, its his first time! Oh, you're not upset with him, huh? Oh, I see, you're upset because you ruined your pretty outfit! Well, don't worry, we'll get you a new outfit, and change you right up. Aunt Brooke brought you lots of clothes, so you don't have to worry about the boy clothes, anymore." Peyton said in a singsong voice.

Lucas watched in awe as the baby quieted in Peyton's arms. His girl was so awesome- he didn't deserve her, but he was glad he could call her his.

They made their way back to the bed in record time, Peyton tossing him a shirt as well. Efficiently Peyton removed the soiled garments, taking note of the diaper that was placed on the baby backwards.

She began to talk Lucas through what she was doing matter of factly, not wanting him to feel worse than he already did, but wanting to make sure that in the future, he did things write. "So when you change her diaper, you always want to wipe her with the wipes, even if she doesn't do anything but pee. She cant just shake and go like you can. And since shes a girl, so you have to wipe front to back." Swiftly Peyton did so, since she was only changing the diaper because it was put on wrong.

"Tabs start behind and fasten in the front. Otherwise you'll be changing her and the bassinet all night." Peyton shared a smile with him to take any sting out of her words. "Her clothes are in the top drawer- Sorry Luke, but you're gonna have to share for a bit- and in your mom's room too, Ill show you tomorrow." Peyton noticed that the baby kept scrunching up her legs and grimacing.

"Did you burp her?" Peyton asked, already guessing the answer as she picked up another cloth and placed it over her shoulder, placing the diaper clad baby there and rubbing her back.

Lucas shook his head, cursing inwardly. He thought he had done everything he was supposed to. Apparently not.

"Well, that explains the throw up. Shes little, so you just have to rub circles in her back, basically pulling the gas up so that she can…" A loud belch was heard in the quiet room. "Good girl!" Peyton said, laying her back down on the bed so that she could place a new onesie on her, this one pink and white striped. Peyton went to lay her in the bassinet, only to realize that the covers were ruined as well.

"Bassinet sheets are underneath, the mattress is plastic for this very reason." Peyton walked over and plopped the baby in Lucas' arms, before quickly changing the sheets in the bassinet.

"And there you go! Lesson 101 complete. Now, put Sweet Pea down, and lets get some sleep. We've only got two hours before we get to do this all again."

"2 hours?" Lucas said, incredulous.

"_If_ we're lucky." Peyton said, yawning as she crawled into bed. Lucas quickly changed his shirt, pulled off his jeans and slid under the covers, pulling Peyton into his arms. He didn't know why it surprised him that she slid easily into his arms, resting her head onto his chest and toying with his shirt.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and pulled her closer, needing her warmth. "Why are you so good to me?"

She pressed a kiss to his chest. "Because you're you. Because I'm me. Because we're us." She raised her head to look at him. "I get it Luke, as much as I wish to God I didn't. And trust me, if it weren't for Sweet Pea, I would have been chasing you down. And I know you needed to deal with this in your own way, but its not just you and me anymore, you've got Sweet Pea to think about now. So you cant just go crawl off into your head and your hole like you used to. Lean on us if you need to, but be here, Luke. Sweet Pea needs you." Peyton was speaking earnestly now, from the pain born of experience.

She knew what it was like to have the person you counted on unable to be there for you, though their intentions were good, and she didn't want that for Lucas or his sister.

"Lily. Her name is Lily." Lucas said, "and you're right. I know how hard it was for you when your father would leave all the time, and I'm sorry I brought those memories up for you. I'm done running, I promise."

"Don't do it for me, do it for Lily." Peyton said, shaking her head.

"Don't worry." Lucas, drawing her back down. "Already done."

-LP-

I don't know why Peyton didn't yell at him, but honestly, if anybody would understand grief, it would be her, so I guess it fits. Tell me what you think? OOC or Typical season 4 Peyton? Or neither, but it works?

So this is the last of the written chapters! The good news is, B won! The bad news is, only ¾'s of the next chapter is written. At least I know where Im going finally. Leyton love with some outside drama. Any guesses what it will be? I will try to throw some Leyton tiffs in, but besides fighting about whether or not to be together, Ive never seen them argue, even when they were friends. So what wouldn't they agree on? Think about it, let me know.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. Details are in LLG's newest chapter if you would like to know the dirty. Its all excuses anyway, but the moral of the story is Im back! I hope you enjoy.

-LP-

Chapter 4

_Lucas: William Zinsser once wrote, "Decide what you want to do. Then decide to do it. Then do it." I had made a promise to my mother and Keith, to b_e _there for Lily. To _

_let the ones who loved me be there for me. And I was ready to do it. The problem was, William Zinsser never gave the formula on how to get from deciding to doing. I guess if it were easy, he wouldn't have had to make a quote about it... _

"Hey Mom, Keith." Lucas knelt in between the graves, Lily awake in his arms. "Look who I brought to see you." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Miss Lily Roe Scott, the most beautiful baby in Tree Hill" He smiled softly and cooed at the baby before turning his attention back to the headstones.

"You were right, you know. I see pieces of you guys every day. She had your face, Mom, and her eyes and hair are all you, Dad." Lucas lowered his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Dad." He whispered. "That's who you were supposed to be. That's who you _were_ to me. And that's who I'll be to Lily. Whatever she needs, whenever she needs it. Because that's what I learned from you."

"We're gonna be okay mom, Lily and me. _You_ taught me that. Us against the world right? I know you didn't want history to repeat itself, and it wont. Because I had you for a mother, and I have a family who supports me." Lucas was quiet for a moment. "And a girlfriend who loves me."

"She's been right there for me, Mom. The entire time, even when I haven't been the man you guys taught me to be. And I wish Dan had been that person for you mom, because it means _everything_. But then, if he had, then I wouldn't have had Keith, and Haley wouldn't have had Nathan, and Lily wouldn't be here." Lucas shook his head.

"Im going to shut up now, before I say something like, 'it all worked out for the best,' cause we both know that's not true." Lucas chuckled, then sobered. "But I promise you, I will do my best with how it worked out."

"I promise."

_Being there for Lily, I figured out easy enough. Letting __the ones who loved me be there for me? Now, that was another story. But isn't it also said that love was letting go? Tell me William, how exactly was I supposed to do both?_

He'd only been back for a couple days, yet he quickly got the hang of taking care of Lily. It helped that his girlfriend was a rock, and apparently had acquired all sorts of baby secrets from her time with Jake and Jenny.

"_If you put the vibration on, it reminds her of being in the womb, so she'll fall asleep faster."_

"_Make the bottles ahead of time, so that in the middle of the night you don't have to do anything but warm it up and pop it into her mouth."_

Not that she wasn't there with him. But she respected his desire to get to know the sister he had practically ignored for the better part of her life, short though it was. And though she understood his tendency to bottle up his emotions inside, she refused to let him do so.

"Oh no, mister! You have saved me too many times for me not to know how this works. I am going to be here for you and you are going to let me, even if I have to pull a 'Lucas' and force you to let me in." Peyton scolded, after one night when, unbeknownst to her, he had moved the bassinet into his mother's room and stayed the night with Lily in there, leaving Peyton to sleep the night away, oblivious in his bed.

"Pull a 'Lucas'? " Lucas chuckled from his position on the couch. He had been playing a video game, enjoying the quiet time since Lily was down for the count after her bottle.

"You know what I mean," Peyton said, making her way around the couch and wedging her body between the edge of the couch and his, putting her legs over his lap. He lifted his arms obligingly and rested them on her legs.

"I _do_ know what you mean, and I love you for it." Lucas said, leaning in and meeting her lips with his. She hummed low in her throat, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the feel of his lips over hers. She pulled back after a moment, savoring the taste of him on her lips before opening her eyes and glaring at him accusingly.

"Don't try to change the subject, mister!" she said sternly. She softened her words by caressing the back of his neck. "What's going on in that head of yours?" She asked quietly.

"Ohhhh, nothing." Lucas said, settling his head back against the couch. "Everything." He sighed.

"What am I going to do with myself next year? Should I sell the house if leave and go to college? College is too far ahead, think about right now. There's a party on Friday night- should I go? Do I _want_ to go? Who's going to take care of Lily if I go? Oh man, I'm responsible for a baby. I could barely get through one night without my girlfriend's help. And even then, I wasn't even thinking about Lily, I was thinking about Peyton's legs. She looks so sexy in her sleep shorts- I hope Lily goes to sleep soon. Who am I kidding, when Lily goes to sleep, _I'm_ going to sleep."

Peyton laughed, hitting him upside the head at the sleep shorts comment, frowning when he hoped Lily went to sleep, and nodding her head in agreement when he changed his mind.

"Hey, you asked!" Lucas said, chuckling.

"I did, but that's not exactly what I was looking for." Peyton said, shaking her head at the inner workings of her boyfriends mind. "I should probably be more specific. How are you holding up?" She said softly, catching his gaze with hers. "We haven't really talked about it since you've been home, and I know I should be the one to understand better than anybody the desire not to talk about it, but I think with Lily in the picture we should probably try something new. Me running red lights and you running off and unreachable is probably not the best way to handle a situation now that we've got someone who depends on us."

There was no need for her to explain what 'it' was; they both knew what 'it' she was talking about.

Lucas sighed, caressing her legs unconsciously for comfort. "I never planned to leave the funeral, much less be gone for three days." He began. "It just hit me, you know? I mean, not even a year ago, I was standing in that same spot with my mom, and we had just lost Keith. I had heard those words before. I had worn that suit before. I had dropped that handful of dirt before. And this time I had done it all, without her. For her. It was surreal. And then I couldn't… I couldn't be there one more minute."

Peyton listened patiently, rubbing his neck in sympathy.

"And I didn't mean to be gone so long. I just kept driving, and driving, trying to figure it all out. Its… its like my brain wasn't processing. It wasn't believing that my mom was gone. I kept thinking it was a nightmare I would wake up from. Like if I kept driving, and stayed away long enough, my phone would ring and it would be my mom, yelling at me to come home and telling me how worried she is about me being gone. But every time the phone rang, it wasn't her. It was Haley, or Nathan, or Deb."

Lucas shook his head. "No matter how many times it rang, I still believed it was her calling for me. And when it wasn't her, I wouldn't answer, because I didn't want to accidentally miss her call. And it finally hit me- she's not gonna call to find out where I am, cause she's dead." Tears began to silently make their way down his face. "And that's when I turned off the phone."

"Oh babe." Peyton said, her heart hurting as she imagined the pain he must have felt at that moment.

"A lot of it is a blur," Lucas said honestly. "I slept in the car when I was tired, I drove when I wasn't. One day I went to sleep…" Lucas sighed, and his hands tightened on the legs he had been caressing absentmindedly. "And I saw my mom and Keith." He turned more fully to Peyton. "I must have been dreaming, but I swear, it felt so real! She was there, and I was in her arms, and she was telling me how much she loved us and how she wanted to come back to us, but couldn't. And she told me Lily's name. And she said she'd always be with me." Unable to contain his emotions any longer, Lucas bowed his head and allowed them to take over.

Peyton pulled him into her arms, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "And she will, Luke. Just like I'd like to think my mom is watching and listening, so is yours. She is." Peyton kissed the top of his head, and laid hers upon it briefly. "But that doesn't mean it can't suck like hell that she's not here."

Peyton kissed his head again, then raised it to look him in the eye. "It sucks like hell, but at least you have a part of her that is still with you. And she is very lucky to have you as a big brother."

"I don't know how lucky she's gonna feel when you are gone and it's just me and her," Lucas said, smiling a little. "I'm thinking there will be a little baby rebellion."

"She'll be very lucky then, because Im not leaving." Peyton said, smiling uncertainly. She'd been meaning to tell Lucas about her decision to stay, but there never seemed to be a good time to start the conversation. To tell the truth, there was never a good time because Peyton wasn't looking forward to starting what would end in an argument. She had a feeling.

"What do you mean, you're not leaving?" Lucas said, pulling back and looking at her, his voice low.

"I mean, I called Sire records and declined the internship. I told them what happened and that I had responsibilities I couldn't leave and they understood." On the defensive, she pulled her legs out from under him and stood up. "I didn't want to leave you in the first place, and now, with Lily, it makes even more sense for me to stay." Peyton said, walking to the kitchen.

Lucas jumped off the couch and followed closely behind. "I don't want you to leave either Peyton, but we're not talking forever here! Its only 3 months!" He argued.

"Exactly. Its was only a three month internship, something that I only applied for to get out of town because you and I weren't together and Brooke and I were fighting." Peyton shot back.

She began to tick off on her fingers. "Brooke and I are friends again, You and I are together, and now Lily is here, and lets face it, you are going to need all the help you can get. So tell me why I am going to California for the summer, when the reasons I was leaving in the first place no longer apply?"

Lucas came back with a list of his own. "One, Sire records is one of the leading record companies in the industry. Two, it is just for a summer, and opportunities like this don't come along every day, so even though I'll miss you, it's just for a little while. And three, I've told you before, you are destined for greatness, and greatness needs the experience in California before she can come back and open her own record label in Tree Hill."

But Peyton held firm and fired another volley. "No job is more important to me than my friends and family, even if it is with one of the top companies in the country. A lot can happen in a summer, and I want to be here every step of the way. And if I am truly destined for greatness, then it will find me where-_ever_ I am, which is going to be Tree Hill."

As if on cue, Lily began to wail. "Bottom line, its my decision, and I've made it. I'm staying." And with that, she swept out of the kitchen and into the room to get Lily.

Lucas did his best over the coming week to change Peyton's mind. He pleaded. He threatened. He cajoled. He had even pulled Haley into his scheming, and together, they made packets of the amenities of sunny California, a cost benefit analysis of taking the internship versus not, and the revelation that Lily wouldn't even miss her, because she wouldn't really notice that Peyton was gone because Lily was still a baby. Brooke even tried to guilt trip her into spending the summer with her, but when she spoke of living with her parents, even Brooke couldn't disagree that a summer with Victoria was taking atonement a little too far.

Peyton had even begun to fight dirty. Tired of hearing about Sire records, she began to stop Lucas in his tracks with one simple statement: "We can discuss my life plans as soon as you figure out yours."

It was always said with a smile, and there was nothing Lucas could do to combat it, because the truth was, he hadn't figured out what he was going to do. With his mother gone and Lily in the picture, UNC would be difficult, if not impossible to manage. He had vague thoughts about focusing on his book for a year, but once again, with Lily, a starving artist lifestyle was not feasible. There were other options, but he was afraid to speak on them until he knew what he wanted.

His dilemma was solved quickly one fateful evening. It was the night of the final seniors party, and instead of going,Peyton and Lucas decided to have their own party at Nathan and Haleys house, since Haley was still recuperating from childbirth.

_-_-LP-

Party next chapter!


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